Eternally Yours
by haleyb333
Summary: Magnus initiates a "wild night of drunkenness" with Tessa, but can she figure out exactly why he's drinking in the first place?
1. Chapter 1

Tessa looked down in surprise as her phone began buzzing. She was back in London, as she had been for some time, and she hadn't heard from anyone she knew since getting into town. Even more surprisingly, it was Magnus's name that showed up on the screen. It had been a terribly long time since she had heard from Magnus at all.

It had been about ninety years since they had lost Jem, almost a century since they had lost Alec. Magnus had been fairly distant ever since Alec's death, disappearing for extended periods of time and only checking in with her when he seemed to think about it. He had spent a couple of years with her after Jem's death, and then he had left, once again becoming hardly more than a memory. Even when Tessa had talked to him, he seemed utterly distant, as though the world no longer interested him. The more Tessa thought about it, the more he seemed to act like his father, as though he cared about absolutely nothing.

Tessa picked up her phone, slightly nervous as to what would be so important that Magnus was calling her. Surely there hadn't been yet another emergency. She was afraid of how Magnus might handle another emergency after everything he'd been through lately. "Hello?" she answered, caution clear in her voice. "Magnus?"

When Magnus answered, he sounded much happier than Tessa thought he could possibly be. "Tessa, darling! I hear you're still in London, which is great because I, too, happen to be in London." He sounded slightly drunk, but Tessa waved that off immediately, knowing he sometimes simply got that way. She still couldn't shake the feeling, however, that there was something off about this random call.

"I am, Magnus. But why are you calling?" She realized too late that her question most likely sounded offensive and scrambled to make amends. "Not that I don't love hearing from you, but it's just that it's been almost a decade since I've heard from you at all."

She heard a sigh from the other end of the phone, and Tessa could tell that it was filled with happiness yet, Tessa finally realized, that it was tinged with grief he was so desperately trying to keep hidden. "I miss you, Tessa. Is that not a good enough reason for me to call?"

 _It would be,_ Tessa thought. _If that were the real reason; seems to me you're lonelier than you'd care to admit._ "Of course it is, Magnus," was what she said out loud, trying to keep the suspicion out of her voice. She knew, however, that Magnus most likely knew her well enough to realize that she was now weary of the situation.

When Magnus responded, any hint at grief or despair was completely gone, making Tessa even more worried than she had been just moments ago. "Just what I thought! Meet you at our favorite bar at the top of the hour then?" He sounded far too excited. _Overcompensation,_ she thought. _He realized that I know what's going on and now he's trying even harder._

It was her turn to sigh before replying. "Why not, Magnus?"

She heard him exclaim, "Marvelous!" before hanging up the phone.

Tessa's concern for Magnus heightened about halfway through the evening. Magnus was unbelievably drunk, and that was saying tons for someone like him. They had danced and laughed just as they had done so many other times. On the surface, Magnus seemed like his ever carefree self, but Tessa knew him well enough to see the thickly vailed pain in his eyes.

He had smiled and laughed, but unlike his usual self, not once had he flirted with anyone or even so much looked for more than a few seconds at any of the bar's patrons. When a highly attractive young man had asked to buy him a drink, Magnus had given him a dazzling smile and kindly declined, something that nearly sent Tessa into shock.

At one point, she had even gone so far as to point out a perfectly beautiful girl who seemed to be waiting for someone to buy her a drink, but Magnus had simply shaken his head and turned the conversation away. It was then that Tessa decided she need to act on her worries.

She motioned for him to lean in so that she could ask him something without having to yell at him. "Magnus, let's go somewhere where we can talk, please." He leaned back momentarily to look at her questioningly before nodding and leading the way out the door.

As soon as they were out the door, Magnus suddenly seemed to sober up, and Tessa's confusion only grew. "Magnus?" She tried, and knew she failed, to keep the suspicion and worry out of her voice. "Did you just use magic to sober up?"

She felt him chuckle softly beside her. "Indeed darling Tessa. You seemed as though you wanted a serious talk, and we both know I was slightly kind of extremely drunk."

Smiling, Tessa simply lead the way to her new home, hoping that Magnus would open up and let her know exactly why he was acting so out of the ordinary. Had she not known him so well, Tessa would have easily believed that he was perfectly relaxed, yet she could sense the tension even in the way he was walking.

They walked in silence for longer than Tessa would have liked, but she wasn't ready to break the silence until she knew she could talk to him seriously. Magnus seemed to welcome the silence, obviously falling deep into thought for the remainder of the walk to Tessa's.

* * *

"So dear Tessa?" Magnus was somehow sprawled across seemingly every inch of the chair he was currently in. "What could possibly be so serious that we needed to interrupt our night of wild drunkenness to talk?"

Sighing, Tessa leaned back and decided that jumping head first into the situation was the best decision. The longer she skirted around the truth, the more time she gave Magnus to come up with a way out of actually talking to her. "What I wanted to ask was why we were having a wild night of drunkenness in the first place."

For the first time that night, Magnus let his guard down ever so slightly, and Tessa was only ever so slightly relieved. "Simply put," he began, voice softer than it had been all night. She could tell he was trying to keep the pain out of it, the softness yet another overcompensation. "I needed the distraction today."

Tessa racked her brain, trying to figure out what he could possibly want so desperately to keep off his mind. In the end, when nothing immediately came to mind, she became straightforward once again. "Why did you need a distraction, Magnus? What's been going on?"

At that, Magnus bent over and buried his face in his hands. Tessa remained silent, unsure of what was causing this seemingly sudden change in mood, unsure of what she could do to comfort him.

Magnus's muffled voice sounded strained when he replied, speaking into his hands. "Today is his birthday." Tessa's confusion only grew when he had finished talking. Surely he couldn't be talking about Alec; it had been so long ago. She was so shocked, all she could say was, "Whose?"

When Magnus looked up, it was immediately clear to Tessa that this was, indeed, about Alec even before Magnus answered her. The pain in his eyes and somehow the grief that had apparently lasted for close to a century, were crystal clear. When he spoke again, his voice was heavy this time, letting in all the grief he had been holding back. "My Alexander," was all he could say before he stopped again, ensuring that he did not lose his composure then.

Looking at him, Tessa could see the pain in every area of his body, could tell that he was trying harder than he ever had to hold himself together. She got up from her seat and moved to put her arms around him, and that's when Magnus proceeded to break down completely. This also came as a shock to Tessa, and she struggled to hold herself together as well, but she kept her arms around him and let him fall apart around her.

She stayed silent until he calmed himself enough to speak up on his own. Leaning into her, he began in a muffled voice, "Tessa? You know what the worst part of this is?" Unable to speak, she simply brushed a tear off his face and waited for him to continue. "I've never felt like this before, that's what the worst part really is." He sat up and turned to face Tessa, taking one of her hands as he did so, as though she was holding him together.

Confused by what he had just said, Tessa began, "Magnus, what do you mean by that? You've lost people before, why is this time so different?" She could see the change in Magnus's eyes as he began to speak. Even now, the thought of Alec filled him with as much happiness as it did grief.

"This pain is different, Tessa, because Alexander was different. He meant more to me than anyone else ever had. More than anyone else ever will." As he finished speaking, more tears began to softly fall down his face, and Tessa squeezed his hand, trying to provide any form of comfort.

"Up until now, I always felt as though I had loved so many people throughout my life. But feeling this pain, I understand that I only ever truly loved Alexander. You're right, I've lost tons of people, but here I am a century later and every second of everyday Alexander is still all I can think about." He looked as though he was going to break down once more, but he continued speaking before he could. "I know now that Alexander is the only person I will ever truly love, and it's ripping my apart more and more every day. I've never felt so lost, so broken."

Tessa was speechless, unsure of what to say to comfort him. Why did his pain seem so much greater than what she experienced when she lost Will and Jem? She hoped it was because she was on the outside looking in. Once again surprising Tessa, Magnus suddenly leaped up from his seat and turned to face Tessa with a wild spark in his eyes. "I can't just sit here and feel sorry for myself though, I want to go do something about this." To this, Tessa could only reply, "And what do you intend to do?"

Tessa only found herself utterly confused at Magnus's response. "First, I must find a flower shop." Turning and immediately walking out the front door, Magnus left Tessa only able to sigh before following along.


	2. Chapter 2

"I simply don't understand what you're doing, Magnus." Tessa was utterly confused by the "flower shopping" that Magnus had done. A single blue rose meant absolutely nothing to her, and she couldn't comprehend how getting the rose would help lessen Magnus's grief in any way.

Without decreasing his pace at all, Magnus simply responded, "Shhh…I will explain in a bit," and continued his walk back to Tessa's. Upon arrival, he promptly burst through the door, and for some inexplicable reason, he began constructing a portal.

At that, Tessa was so thoroughly confused that she couldn't hold her curiosity in any longer. "What on Earth are you doing, Magnus?" Her voice came out slightly too harsh, and she quickly made amends as she continued speaking. "I honestly have no idea what any of this is going to do to help you feel any better? Am I missing something right now? Because if I am, please inform me."

Magnus momentarily paused his work and finally looked over at Tessa with a terribly sad smile. "We, my dear," he began. "We are going to Idris, and you are most definitely missing something." At that, Magnus turned back to his work, leaving Tessa even more confused than before. The only difference was that this time she was unable to hold back not only her curiosity, but more importantly, her concern for Magnus.

"Magnus, give me a straightforward answer, please. Every second this goes on I am becoming increasingly worried. Give me something to work with." She tried desperately to keep the concern out of her voice, knowing that it would keep him from opening up if he sensed it at all. For a moment, Tessa thought she was going to get her answer, but right as she finished speaking, Magnus finished his work on the portal.

As expected, instead of giving her the answer she needed to put her mind at ease, Magnus simply spread his arms wide and responded, "You shall see in mere moments, Tessa." He extended a hand, and she hesitated only a moment before letting him lead her through the portal.

* * *

Tessa knew immediately that she was definitely in Idris, but the place she had stepped into was also instantly unfamiliar. It was obvious to her, however, that their surroundings were instantly familiar to Magnus. They were in a small meadow, surrounded by trees on every side, the sun shining warmly down on them. There was a slight breeze, giving an overall cozy effect to the place. Tessa could hear a small creek running somewhere in the trees, and smiled at the feeling of peace she got just standing in the middle.

Glancing around, Tessa tried to figure out why they were here at all. She had no idea what could be so important to Magnus about this place that it would help him in his grief. Finally, after making a full turn, she saw what she was looking for. Directly across the meadow from them stood the largest tree, giving off a considerable amount of shade and making it the obvious comfort spot of the meadow. But what stood out to Tessa was not the tree, but rather what was under it.

Even from halfway across the meadow, Tessa could see that the stone situated directly under the tree was obviously a headstone. Looking back at Magnus, it was easy to see from the glimmer of tears in his eyes that this was indeed Alec's headstone.

Slightly startling Tessa, Magnus spoke up then, answering the question she had just begun to form. "I know what you're thinking," his voice was soft, but the strain in it was obvious. "Most Shadowhunters don't have graves unless they are suicides or criminals. But this is not a grave, per se. I made this for Alexander myself, it's more of a memorial than a grave."

At that, Magnus began slowly walking toward the headstone, and Tessa hesitated to follow. Perhaps this was too personal a moment for her to follow into, but she knew that Magnus would not have brought her here with him if he did not want her here at all.

"Your next question is something I can answer as well," Magnus spoke to her without taking his eyes off the stone before them. "You're wondering why I've made this for him. And very simply put, it is because I wanted more for him than for any Shadowhunter that ever came before him. He was so much more than an ordinary Shadowhunter to me; he deserved more in my eyes."

As he came to a stop beside the headstone, Magnus seemed to read her mind once more. "Your final question is most likely why I picked this spot, isn't it?" He waited for her to nod before continuing. "Well, this happens to be where I proposed to Alexander." At that, Magnus began trying harder than anything to keep from chocking up. "This was our favorite spot in Idris, a place where we could come and relax, just the two of us."

Tessa could only stand beside Magnus where they had stopped, stare at the ground, and blink rapidly, trying to keep her composure. Magnus chuckled softly as he knelt down beside the stone and placed the blue rose in front of it. After a few moments of silence, he began speaking again, even softer than before, and Tessa knew it was because he was holding back tears of his own.

"Sometimes I feel insane, you know. I come here when the days get far too lonely and I just talk to him. Sounds crazy, but sometimes the memories I get while here help me through the pain. I think they help me to keep his memory alive; it helps me remember how he promised to always be here no matter what." Magnus paused, taking a deep breath and gently closing his eyes before continuing. "I never knew it would be this hard, that it would feel this empty without him."

Without knowing what else she could do, Tessa knelt down next to Magnus and laid a hand softly on his shoulder. He opened his eyes once more and looked back at her, giving her a soft smile filled with both grief and happiness so immense that Tessa had never seen the likes of it before.

"You wanted to know why I got a single blue rose, didn't you?" Tessa tried to give Magnus a slight smile of her own as she nodded at him, trying not to seem too eager, but she had been curious since the moment he had bought it.

"Blue roses were a favorite of mine and Alexander's." He smiled and leaned slightly back into Tessa, as though the memory was bringing him comfort. "Not only is this one the exact color of his eyes, but blue roses represent the impossible. Alexander started getting me blue roses for every occasion, as if to say 'Our love will overcome the impossible.'"

Tessa was speechless at first, she'd never heard Magnus speak about anyone like this, with his voice so full of love and admiration. She did manage, however, to struggle through, "He must have loved you more than you could ever have thought, Magnus."

Turning to look at her with the question clear in his eyes, Magnus nodded to confirm the sentiment, but began speaking anyways. "I believe that with everything I have, Tessa. Sometimes it is all that gets me through the day. But what makes you say that?"

Finally, Tessa was able to give a genuine smile before responding to Magnus. "He spent every day not only believing in the impossible, but also hoping for it beyond belief. But he didn't just do that for himself, Magnus, he did it for you knowing it would help you get through losing him."

Again, Magnus chuckled, his voice now much stronger than it had been all night when he began again. "Somehow, Tessa, after all these years, I'm still putting my hope in the impossible."

She was just about to respond when Magnus began speaking once more, and what he said this time left her speechless for the rest of the night.

"I only got one rose for him tonight because that's all I've ever given him: one rose at a time. One rose, no matter what color, symbolizes eternal love. That's what my love for Alexander always has been and always will be: eternal."

* * *

 _ **Hi loves, Haley here! So my view counter isn't working for some odd reason, so I have no idea how many people have read even the first chapter of this! SO if you read it and liked it, leave a review to let me know since my counter is still at 0! I really hope you enjoyed it, and if you haven't done so already, give my other work a check out as well!**_

 _ **Let me know what you think! I always love feedback! xx**_


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